When you go from talking every single period to being total strangers, you get into the habit of picking up your phone and putting it right back up. You click on their name, type a message you never would have hesitated to text them back in the working day, and then erase the words before you get too tempted to press.
You want to tell them about the gag you learnt on the internet that simply theywould find funny. You want to tell them about the person or persons you ran into yesterday because they are the only one who would understand how awkward the situation was.
You want to talk to them about everything. About nothing. You only want them in your life again.
But when “theres going” from talking every single period to being total strangers, the become fuzzy. You don’t know when it’s appropriate to pick up your phone and send them a text and when you should choose silence.
No, “youre supposed to” shouldn’t communicate with them when you’re having a bad day and necessity a shoulder to lean on, because they’re not your ride or die anymore. But are you able text them on their birthday? On Thanksgiving? On Christmas?
What about liking and commenting on their social media posts? Is that weird? Or is it weirder if you discount their illustrations, if you act like they don’t exist, if you delete them from social media entirely because you can’t stand to visualize them smile without you?
When you go from talking every single period to being total strangers, you wake up feeling like something is missing. You feel like you’ve lost more than a friend, a partner, a teammate. It’s like you’ve lost a piece of your own identity. Like you’ve lost part of what constructs you.
And it constructs you wonder whether there is something wrong with you. Whether you aren’t arousing enough or attractive enough to convince someone to stay. Whether you are only a placeholder, “whether youre” destined to be abandoned by everyone you develop to love.
When you go from talking every single day to being total strangers, you never stop being reminded of your loss. Friends that haven’t seen you in a while will ask you how that person has is being done, because you were always. Because you were always joined at the hip.
And when they find out you don’t really talk to such person or persons anymore, they will appear — and it will remind you how shocking it is that this happened. It will remind you how wrong it seems after your numbness made you forget.
When you go from talking every single period to being total strangers, it’s hard to trust again. It’s hard to believe that anyone would ever stick by your side through everything there is — because if this person walked away from you, couldn’t anybody?
But when you go from talking every single day to being total strangers, you get a chance to spend more time with yourself. To grow into the kind of person who is strong enough to love again, to trust again, to take a risk again.
Right now, you have the time to reevaluate what you need from life. And you have the freedom to search the universe until you find it.