One of the more common the regions that journeys ladies up when it comes to relationships is the gray zone, the area where a guy demonstrates concern but nothing genuinely comes of it, and you simply don’t know how he feels.
This is usually when I receive the desperate messages from wives wanting to know what is going on. They don’t get onto. He seems interested … but then he disappears or says he doesn’t crave a relationship or only acts shady. But then he comes back and he’s sweet and attentive and now you’re just perplexed. Does he like me or not?
I get the desperate need to know. It’s a miserable mood to expend your time and feelings into someone when you’re not sure where they actually stand.
I’ll clear up some of the embarrassment right now. When a guy likes you, it’s obvious. Through time, experience, and research, I’ve learned that when you have to question how he seems … you already have your answer. He likes you, merely not enough.
The problem is so many of us get caught in this trap of trying to figure out why. We can’t understand how he can say so many sweet things, how he can be so open and present when he’s with us, how everything can feel so right when we’re with him … and yet, he simply doesn’t reciprocate our moods for him. He is always out of your reach, and you spend more time investigating the relationship than you do actually enjoying it.
When He Won’t Commit
If a guy won’t perpetrate, he’s not going to tell you to your face that the reason is he doesn’t like you enough. He’ll tell you something. Why won’t he just break up with you? Because he does like you. He only doesn’t like you enough to want to be with you .
Maybe he has valid reasons. Perhaps he is under a lot of pressure at his job, maybe his parents divorce when he was a kid really did build him stop believes in monogamy, perhaps the ex girlfriend who cheated on him really did destroy his ability to trust, maybe he is terrifies of commitment … the reasons don’t matter, the facts do.
He probably does care about you, he does enjoy spend time with you, he does like you … he merely doesn’t like you enough. Perhaps it’s because he’s incapable of liking someone past a certain degree( a point that would lead to a relationship ), or maybe he simply doesn’t see himself with person like you for reasons beyond your control. It doesn’t matter.
What It Looks Like
If he likes spending time with you and hanging out, but doesn’t want to be official … he likes you, he only doesn’t like you enough.
If you run into each other here and there and talk for hours and maybe even hook up, but don’t hear from him after, he likes you, he only doesn’t like you enough.
If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and he refuses to be exclusive, or doesn’t want to set a label on it … he likes you, he simply doesn’t like you enough.
If he says he misses you, but then doesn’t make any attempt to actually see you … he likes you, he merely doesn’t like you enough.
Don’t Take It Personally
Sadly, most women recognize his lack of liking as a reflection of them, they make it their trouble. They think if only they did more for him, if merely the latter are prettier, if simply they could help him discover to trust again, if only the latter are a bit more of this and a little less of that … everything would be different. It wouldn’t.
If that’s how he seems , nothing “theyre saying” or do will change it.
His issues are his difficulties. You pave the way for a lot of unnecessary
hurt when you build them your difficulty. And perhaps he doesn’t have commitment issues, maybe he merely doesn’t think you’re the right daughter for him and that’s genuinely no big deal.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to extricate yourself from this kind of situation. You’ve invested so much day and energy into the situation and you refuse to accept things as they are.
You pay attention to the things you want to hear and ignore anything that doesn’t align with how you crave reality to be. You hold onto cryptic scraps of attention and affection and use them as proof that you and he share a deep connection … and then you feel blindsided where reference is foliages or says he doesn’t want to be with you, even though you kind of knew this is only the case all along.
You dismiss the truth that’s gazing you in the face because you don’t want to accept that he never reciprocated your sentiments because that’s painful. It’s a crushing feeling to realise and admit that someone you care for simply doesn’t seem the same style about you. I know it feels personal, but it’s not. Not everyone can be a match and that’s OK.
How to Deal
You can be expected that the reason it hurts so much is because he was the guy for you and you let him get away, but truly the hurt is arising as a result of your own ego. You feel unlovable and unworthy and worry that you’ll end up alone, or be forced to settle. These kinds of situations tend to bring out the drama queen in all of us.
Instead of thinking of the worst case scenario–that you’ll die alone in a house full of cats–just calmly remind yourself that he simply wasn’t the right guy for you and that’s fine. The right guy for you is a guys who wants to be with you. He’s a guy who shows you, clearly and plainly, that he likes you. He doesn’t drop-off clues for you to uncover.
Getting over a guy “youve never” quite had can be almost worse than getting over an actual breakup because in this case, you’re mourning the loss of the potential of what could have been. It’s not like a breakup where you got to experience the relationship and its demise. In this case, you never even got to base camp 1. You only had a guy you were casually discovering who never wanted to take it any further, and you’re leave behind these eyesights of what could have been.
It sucks. There’s no way around it. But you can’t force-out a guy to feeling a certain behavior about you. All you can do is be your best ego, that’s pretty much it. If you do that and he still isn’t interested, then at least you know you did your due diligence and there’s nothing more you could have done.
The best thing you can do when a situation like this ends is looked at and try to find any lessons to learn, at the least then you know it wasn’t a total waste of time.
Ask yourself what thoughts/ behaviors led you into this relationship. What did you bring to the relationship that was good and that you could use in your next relationship? What did you bring that was negative, and blinded you from appreciating what was in front of you? What is something you accepted in this relationship that you are able to never accept again?
Sit with these issues and ensure where they take you. Perhaps you meditate on them, maybe you journal and visualize what spills out of you.
Either way, it’s important to invest some time appearing within yourself so you can come out of the situation even stronger than you were before.