Over the weekend, Luann was staying at the Colony Hotel in Palm Beach. Luann was registered to be in Room 327, but the drama all began when she was found Saturday night in Room 407. AKA not the chamber she was supposed to be in. She went into the room with a random dude who still hasn’t been identified, and a security guard saw them in bed and told them they needed to leave.
After that didn’t job so well, the security guard came back with two police officers. When they arrived, mystery dude was get-up-and-go( but not forgotten, RIP mystery dude ), but Luann was still there with her friend Julie Olson. They were both patently v drunk and the cops told them to leave. Julie listened like a good nicegirl, but Luann took a most dramatic route and locked herself in the bathroom. When the policemen ultimately use a key to unlock the door, Luann slammed it in one of the officers’ faces and jostle him in the chest. Yikes.
That was enough to get arrested, and then she also yelled that she was going to fucking kill everyone as she used brought to the police station. We thought we had understood Luann at rock bottom, but this is most definitely not Countess behavior.
On Tuesday, Luann violated her stillnes about the incident, releasing a statement that’s peak drama: “This was my first time in Palm Beach since my bridal, and being here brought up long-buried emotions. I want to offer my most sincere apologies to anyone I might have offended with my behaviour. I am committed to a transformative and hopeful 2018. ”
Okay, we’re kind of obsessed with this statement. First of all, she’s not saying she’s sorry for what she did, she’s doing that half-apology thing where you apologize if someone was offended. Like, “Sorry you didn’t like it that I called you fat, but it wasn’t a lie.” Very high school, and I love it. Luann is also referencing her short-lived wedlock to Tom, and yeah, we’re pretty triggered by that too, thanks Luann. And then she caps it off with nice vague New Years resolution, because what better day for that? Severely, simply engrave this statement on my tombstone.
So Luann is facing some crime accusations, but with the lawyers that she can afford, we’ll be surprised if she ends up with anything more serious than a fine and maybe some community service. Please judge, can we PLEASE get some footage of Luann in an orange jumpsuit picking up garbage on the freeway? It’s all I want in 2018.