I find it hard to believe this was accidental. A thick piece of limp bread, held gingerly in hand, right at wiener-height? A statue commissioned for the Catholic faith? What sculptor would look at this without even the slightest of niggling uncertainties. This isn’t some play-act dough hurriedly shaped by a middle schooler. This is a sculpture, one that I suppose takes weeks of loving craftsmanship. The thought that the sculptor did this unintentionally is almost more bizarre. “Where should I chisel out this loaf of bread? Right near his penis? Yes, right near his penis. And I’ll put “their childrens” right there, too. Yes. This will look great in a Catholic church.”

And even if this was a rogue sculptor, why didn’t anyone else notice the wiener bread situation? It seems like administrators at a Catholic church should be spending 90% of their day trying to avoid anything that would remind people of sexual abuse. “This bread is the organization of Christ. But not like … not any of the naughty bits of Christ. Christ wouldn’t want you to set anything in your mouth without permission. Not that this is anything that would … look, it’s a metaphor for Christ’s love! But not THAT kind of desire! “

Hopefully the next statue will be something more innocent, like Saint Mary holding two grapefruits.

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